Life is just not fair sometimes. A lot of the time. I’ll never understand God’s plan and why he takes the ones he does, and when he takes them.
I received a phone call out of the blue, the Sunday before Christmas, asking if I was at all available to squeeze in a last minute newborn session, for twins. She realized it was right before Christmas, and that it was very last minute. And me on the other line, I’m thinking how I just had to turn away three other newborn sessions who hadn’t previously booked with me, but had contacted me last minute. But this was different. I listened as the friend of Mom explained to me that one of the twins, William, was a miracle. Mom and Dad were told around her 20 week ultrasound, that William’s heart hadn’t fully developed, and that he would most likely be stillborn; his prognosis was bleak. Their little girl, Reagan, was perfect. As heart wrenching as that news was, and I could never imagine the ache in my heart that Mom and Dad must still feel, I can’t imagine carrying out the rest of my pregnancy knowing only one of my children, that I tried for two years for, after IVF treatments, would not come out crying as his little sister would. I would have been a wreck.
God does work in mysterious ways, and although we may not understand him, we have to try to. William was not stillborn, but instead, got to go home with hospice care, and get to know his Mommy and Daddy. Got to meet his fur siblings. And got to know his sister outside of the womb. William was beautiful (they both are). He looked absolutely perfect. Perhaps that’s why it’s that much harder, because he looked like perfection. Beautiful, big eyes, perfect little features, ten adorable piggies, and soft, strawberry blondish hair. As I photographed them, I felt like I was in a daze on and off, just staring at him, not comprehending what was to come. Life is not fair, kept replaying over and over in my head, as I snapped away. As he stared with wide eyes for most of the session, and as Reagan snoozed away. As if he was just taking it all in <3
My heart breaks for this family. Some of the kindest people I’ve met, by the way. And by far, some of the strongest. Tears didn’t flow until the very end as I packed up. I really just wanted to stay and hold little William. A lot of my clients I get to see again for a one year session, or a family session, and knowing I would never see this beautiful boy again, broke my heart. William passed away 11 days after he was born, in his parents arms. So again, as unfair as this all seems, I’m so warmed by the fact that Mom and Dad were able to spend those 11 days with their precious babies together. And I know little Reagan has a beautiful angel to always watch over her. Rest in heaven, sweet boy <3